Shan Retrograde
I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back, baby! Like I never left, okay, I did, but sis was going through it. I needed to take a major hiatus as life started to life forreal. With school, work, friends, and love, I have been on a rollercoaster ride, and yall know I don't do amusement parks. Anyone else trying to catch their breath?
The other day, I took it upon myself to reread some of my material from the previous year, and wow. I realize why people say never to reread your old journals...my goodness. The pain. The humor. The drama...
I was in my bag, or maybe as I am learning to be more graceful to myself...I was just going through some things…I was discussing some deep stuff. I talked about this whole shift as I was on this journey to thirty, and now it's here. I talked about all my relationships shifting and not feeling like friends weren't really friend-ing. Romance wasn't really romance-ing. Then I also realized I could have shown up better in some of my relationships and how therapy and some intense conversations really helped me. Talking is sooo good for the soul yall. Don't bottle up what's inside, even when it's uncomfortable.
Well, since then…adulting continues to kick me in the ass. Rent prices continue to skyrocket. My dog continues to give me an attitude. My office mate works my last nerve, but I am so grateful.
To date, I am coming to terms with the fact that the more I plan, the more I realize I have a control issue. I need to stop telling God my plan and ask for guidance. What I mean is…sometimes we get so caught up with "these plans" to have things exactly how we see it in our heads and whenever life steers me in a different direction, I go absolutely bonkers. It's the…" I'll be married by this… I'll have this amount of money for this… I'll do this for that…" and then there's a sudden shift, and I don't know about all of you, but I do not do well when things do not go well with my plan. It’s like why do I have these things in my heart if it’s not time? But that’s for another discussion.
So, as I try to tackle this new perspective of thirty, adulting, and thinking…I am also returning to what I do best—getting to know and falling into adult Shan. How do I do this? Lord only knows, but I will take it one day at a time. I plan on falling into my purpose with writing, living, loving, and, most of all, praying …
The hope is to write about it along the journey.
Welcome back y'all. Stay tuned.